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2015 MLS All-Star Game will be in Denver, team coached by Pablo Mastroeni

Craig Mitchelldyer-USA TODAY Sports

Well, because we all just couldn't wait to find out where the 2015 All-Star Game will take place in Denver, Colorado, and the MLS side will be coached by none other than Pablo Mastroeni, who is more notable for having had a mustache at the 2015 MLS SuperDraft than he is for being a particularly good coach.

In an MLS release, league commissioner Don Garber described Colorado as "a destination for marquee soccer events," and apart from the U.S. World Cup qualifying match against Costa Rica, in which the snow-laden pitch was as central a figure as anything else, it's tough to figure out what Garber's on about.

It could just be that MLS wanted to avoid placing the All-Star Game in a baseball stadium, ruling out New York City FC. Or maybe the 2007 All-Star win in Colorado over Celtic FC could be why, but that also kind of rules out the game being played there because there needs to be some sort of rotation around MLS teams or something. (Real Salt Lake hosted in 2009, and no, I'm not asking that we be given it again.)

It's all a little puzzling, really, why Denver is the place for the second time in eight years. Maybe it's become some sort of albatross around the neck of whichever team ends up hosting — we don't really know.

As for coaching, it used to be that the coach with the highest-placed team by the time of the All-Star Game was the pick, but for some time, it's been the host coach. At least we now know that Caleb Porter and Pep Guardiola won't be clashing heads this time around, which is both a disappointment and a tragedy of the highest order.