RSL isn’t out of the playoffs yet, but they might as well be

After tonight’s loss against Colorado, Real Salt Lake is very firmly outside a playoff position, and we don’t even get to blame Major League Soccer anymore.

No, we’re sitting now in eighth place behind both FC Dallas and San Jose Earthquakes. It’s not ideal. Far from it.

But somehow, it’s not over yet. That’s not me being optimistic, mind. That’s me torturing myself. It’s MLS torturing me. It’s San Jose and Dallas deciding we haven’t suffered enough. It’s American soccer at its finest.

So, let’s torture ourselves just a little more. What has to happen for us to go through next week? Luckily, it’s simple, because there are only two scenarios that will end with us in the playoffs.

Why am I doing this? I must really despise myself.

Real Salt Lake vs. Sporting KC

We have to win. Simple as that. If we lose, we’re done. If we draw, we are done. Three points will put us on 45, which might be enough to make it, but only if other teams are awful. Let’s hope they are.

San Jose vs. Minnesota United

San Jose has to lose to the third-worst team in the West. Can that happen in this league? Yes. I think so. We just lost to the second-worst team in the West.

FC Dallas vs. LA Galaxy

Oh, boy. FC Dallas has to lose to the worst team in the West. I think they can do it, because they’ve been absolutely awful. If they make the playoffs, they’re done, because they’ve been horrid. They might as well lose this one and not even worry about it. Yeah, that’d be great.