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Where in the world is Kyle Beckerman?

APB - There has been little to no news regarding the status and whereabouts of RSL’s captain Kyle Beckerman, leading to wild speculation.

MLS: Orlando City SC at Real Salt Lake
Have you seen this man!
Russ Isabella-USA TODAY Sports

It’s been a few weeks since we’ve heard any news regarding the now dread-less Kyle Beckerman. RSL has not released anything official except that they’re “working on re-signing him”. So what are we to do except come up with some wild speculation and rumors?

Please speculate along with us in the comments below!

  • Kyle’s joined a monastery to regrow his dreads. -KA
  • Kyle went fishing up in the Uinta range and his waders froze in a stream. -KA
  • Now dread-less, he went undercover and infiltrated FIFA to discover the truth behind Qatar and Russia winning World Cups ‘18 and ‘22. -KA
  • After going back to Crofton Maryland to visit his “old stomping grounds”, rogue fans of DC United learned about his trip and ambushed him. They are now holding him in an undisclosed location (presumed to be underneath the Washington Monument), hoping to force RSL to trade Nick Rimando back to DC in exchange. -KA
  • Kyle Beckerman has vanished. In his absence, the sinister FIRST ORDER has risen from the ashes of the Empire and will not rest until Beckerman, the last Jedi, has been destroyed. With the support of the REPUBLIC, head coach Mike Petke leads a brave RESISTANCE. He is desperate to find his captain Kyle and gain his help in restoring peace and justice to the galaxy. Petke has sent his most daring pilot (Trey) on a secret mission to Jakku, where an old ally has discovered a clue to Kyle’s whereabouts.... -LM
  • Kyle’s body collapsed into ashes a few days after he cut his dreads, his spirit has since been reincarnated into a new young boy. -WL
  • He belongs to David Moyes now, he’ll come back when Moysies is done following him around and the ring is destroyed. -WL
  • As a man of clearly impeccable taste, Kyle is out in Japan with tickets to watch Wrestle Kingdom 12 on January 4th. He will jump in the ring during the Kenny Omega vs Chris Jericho classic, join pro wrestling stable ‘Bullet Club’ and play the whole of the 2018 MLS Season in a “Petke Club” shirt. -BPS
  • Kyle has followed his wise coach Mike Petke to Africa in attempt to become one with nature and recenter before the 2017 season. -MW
  • Since his days of the 2013 MLS All Star Game, Kyle has fallen in love with rapping following his debut in “We’re Better than the Best” he has left Salt Lake and moved to Hollywood to pursue a rapping career. -MW
  • In an effort to maintain harmony on the club, Kyle went in search of a legendary, mythical source of printer ink. He’s also scouting out an assistant public relations lackey to hand out press releases so Trey doesn’t have to. -RJK
  • It's likely that Beckerman has simply returned to his home planet, which shall remain nameless at this time. - MM
MLS: New York City FC at Real Salt Lake Jeff Swinger-USA TODAY Sports