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What could possibly go wrong?

Why a quirky slightly morbid sense of humor is essential in any “Fan For Life.”

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MLS: Los Angeles Galaxy at Real Salt Lake Chris Nicoll-USA TODAY Sports

This is not at all the article I anticipated writing earlier this bye week for the Monarchs. I spent a fair amount of time working on a summary of the Monarchs season so far (with the two games next week their season will be a quarter over) and wanted some some quotes from Head Coach Mark Briggs to bulk up the article. I learned how to approach the team’s communication staff and arranged an appointment for Thursday following practice. I arrived 30 minutes early for practice, slightly excited and nervous about this new experience, and watched the squad work for 90 minutes only to have Coach Briggs end practice and drive off with no interview.

I was more than a little hot under the collar, but as I made the 30-minute drive back to my workplace in Utah County I remembered a lesson learned early in life and came up with this article instead. No matter how meticulous or detailed the plan, life rarely if ever follows the plan. (Don’t tell any project managers you may work with if you don’t want them to run off gibbering.)

I recently finished reading a novel by David Duchovny (yes, Fox Mulder from the X Files) entitled Bucky F*cking Dent where a highly educated but somewhat dysfunctional man goes to great lengths to create an illusion of a Boston Red Sox winning streak in 1978 to ease the last days of his estranged father who is dying of lung cancer without ever seeing the end of the Bambino’s curse. It is a great novel about fathers and sons, love and, above all, lifetime fandom. With the disclaimer that it contains a great deal of colorful language which may offend some I highly recommend it.

However for purposes of this article I want to comment on one review, of many, from the Amazon site. One reviewer gives the book a single star and points out how the author lied to his fans by announcing on Facebook that he would sign every copy that was pre-sold on Amazon. No comment on the novel itself, but much heat about the ancillary business of being an author.

While there will always be those who just cannot let go of some perceived slight, I find it hard to believe that they would ever qualify as a “Fan For Life”. For the RSL and Monarchs players and staff this business of soccer is money in the pocket. It is how they feed their families and earn their living. For the fans who attend, it is merely entertainment.

If your goal is truly to become a “Fan For Life” of Real Salt Lake, the Monarchs, or any other sporting team or entertainment, you will have to develop a “What Could Possibly Go Wrong” attitude. Just search the internet for images using “What Could Possibly Go Wrong” if you have yet to realize the value of this approach.

Slightly morbid and definitely quixotic, this humorous attitude is what will take you through those terrible early Rice-Eccles matches, the frozen tundra in KC, and whatever may come.

Sure, we ended last season on a really bad note and with a toxic clubhouse. What could possibly go wrong? Maybe having a legend of the team make an acrimonious departure and show up next season in another uniform.

Our team this year has the greatest depth ever, why we have 5 starting level center backs. What could possible go wrong? Maybe an endless series of injuries and suspensions.

We are going to give the first people to buy tickets a bobble head of Javier Morales. Just imagine waiting in a long line to have your possessions searched for contraband only to be handed a fragmentation missile shaped like Javier once you enter the stadium. What could possible go wrong? (PLEASE NOTE: I have no knowledge of how the bobble heads will be distributed and throwing one onto the field WILL result in your ejection and criminal charges. Do not do this.)

Instead enjoy the match for what it is, the spirit of a sporting match enjoyed with friends and find the humor present in any situation.

What Could Possibly Go Wrong?