Does RSL need a new name?

What’s in a name? Juliet told us about roses and how they’d still be sweet even if we called them bloomin’ turdules. Thirteen year olds and their sniffers, right?

Now, many of you will call me an idiot and tell me I’m wrong, and you’re probably right. But in this season of uncertainty, I’ve got some thoughts.

With news of MLS probably taking over and selling RSL, I think the RSL organization needs a rebrand.

We’ll know just how deeply the toxic culture went once MLS releases the results of its investigation, which Garber has expressed will be after MLS Cup concludes. What we have, however, is a brand that is tainted and tarnished. It’s time to pull things back to basics, come up with a new plan and direction, and push the team toward something we can be proud of. A new brand identity can go a long way for this goal.

Let’s be honest. Real Salt Lake is not a very good name. If Twitter is to be believed, many consider it the worst name in MLS. Granted, it’s not City Name FC, but it’s also not as interesting as Fire, Crew, Sounders, Revolution, or Timbers. It’s also better than corporate branding. Count Chocula FC, anyone? How about Utah Pyramid Scheme Magical Essential Oils SC? No? Fine.

The club needs a complete shift in paradigm. It worked in Blazing Saddles (yes, double Mel Brooks callout!). It gives those fans who’ve been here since the beginning something to chirp about, especially as they age. It can re-enfranchise those who’ve been soured by the DLH messes. It’s a firm shout of “no longer!” A refusal of the boot stamping on a human face forever.

Most of us know the history of the Real name. To those 7th graders studying Utah history who might not know (because, as we know, that readership of RSL Soapbox is huge), it has nothing to do with Dominguez and Escalante, and everything to do with copying a European club then ticking them off and never talking again.

I’m no branding wiz. I also know we shouldn’t be called the wiz, because that didn’t work so well. As Matt’s article in the previous paragraph showed, there were some cool names in Utah soccer history. I don’t think the colors need to change. I’m not even sure if RSL should go. I’m just not a massive fan of the Real bit. There was that team called Utah Salt Ratz. Why not Ratz Salt Lake? Okay, maybe not. Bloomin’ Turdules FC? Hmmm.

What would you name the team if you got to be make the call?